9. Company plans 1999 release of "Visual Pie++ for Windows."

8. Microsoft waffles on release of Belgian version of Windows 98.

7. Hostess fruit pies removed from Microsoft campus vending machines (three days later, a hoard of pies is found in Nathan Myhrvold's office).

6. Bill Gates has pie-proof "Popemobile" built for future public appearances.

5. From now on, all new Microsoft CD-ROMs will be square, because Gates "freaks out" when he sees flat circles.

4. New Microsoft game released: X-Wing vs. Pie Fighter.

3. Microsoft buys Mrs. Smiths Frozen Pie Company--and shuts it down.

2. MS programmers no longer allowed to use value of pi when programming vector-drawing algorithms.