Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want.

Anxiety: Nature's way of getting you up mornings.

Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance.

Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.

Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning "tone deaf".

A conclusion is where somebody got tired of thinking.

Opera: Where a guy gets stabbed in the back and sings about it.

Oxymoron: One who does not know how to use pimple medication.

Chocolate: the other major food group.

Capitalism: Man exploiting man. Socialism: The reverse.

Canadians: The *other* Americans.

Cheating: Playing by the rules they teach in business school.

Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.

"Normal" is just a setting on a washing machine.

Health: The slowest possible rate of dying.

Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

Childish game: One at which you cannot beat your spouse.

Language: A dialect with an army and navy.

Pizza: a food that *IS* the four food groups.

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Sleep: That final, fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.

Feudalism: When it's your Count that votes.

Bore: One who, upon being asked how they are, actually tells you.

Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers then looks for the casket.

Answer: What everybody is still looking for.

Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.

Fine: Tax for doing wrong. Tax: Fine for doing fine.

Witlag: The delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke.

Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg just to go and break them.

A foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark.

Anarchy: Such a good idea, it should be the law.

Dogmatism: Puppyism which has come to full growth.

Dime: A dollar after taxes.

A professor: Someone who talks in somebody else's sleep.

Work: The slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life.